Being back in school is kind of fun. Now it’s the long grueling period of time where there’s no vacation for 4 months. Kinda sucks, but oh well. The decorations from national day were still up for like a week after vacation. Also television commercials are still all about National Day three weeks after it’s over. Kids are now back to studying too much for their own good. These girls are walking backward while studying so they can combine exercise and study at the same time:
Pictures during passing time. I’ve got an awful lot of passing time pictures on this blog. It’s just really easy to take these kinds of pictures cause I’m always at school:
I’m reminded of how glad I am that I had Phy Ed in the US; something I never thought I would admit to myself:
So the week that I got back I was given a brand new surprise. It was right in between first and second hour. I was packing up all my things and getting ready to say goodbye and move to the next class. Suddenly, this super stereotypical Russian communist style music bursts over the loudspeakers. All the students got up and left the room. I followed them because I had to know what was going on:
Here’s a video I took where Quentin and I added commentary. Didn’t mean to, it was just so impressive. Clearly I would make a bad cameraman for any sort of news organization:
Taken on a different day:
Eventually I started laughing because it was just too much. Rumpus marching music? All the kids having to go do exercises and stuff at the same time together? Sooooooo commie. Probably the most stereotypically communist thing I’ve seen in China to date. The teachers actually told me they thought that I was the funniest thing about the whole situation because I had no idea what was going on and I was wandering around looking lost and getting non-informative answers from people.
The Russian music and the massive exodus happens every day now. I’m going to get a video of it, but I always miss it by a couple minutes. The moment where they all get up to go because of the music is pretty good. Mostly I want you to be able to hear the music because it’s so ridiculously pump-you-up in an oddly nationalistic way.
This is a student that refuses to participate. All students have to participate except Senior 3; they’re supposed to be studying for the Gow Kow:
At least I think that’s a Senior 3 kid. Might just be a student that doesn’t care if I see them. The students here trust me a lot. I’m not sure they view me as a teacher so much as an older brother-like person that knows a lot. Not sure if that’s good or bad.
They’ve told me things where I start thinking “You know I’m a teacher right?” Like they’re not supposed to have cellphones in school and they brought them out and showed me. One student, in front of the whole class, openly told me the details of how exactly they cheat on homework, etc etc. It’s kinda cool because I like being able to see things from both sides. I’ve got some kind of in with the kids. I get to see how they live and interact with things from their own mouths.
They line up by class starting at Class 1 (I figured this out because those are my students):
There’s some example students that stand in the bleachers all the way in front. The gym teacher belts out the instructions and when to switch exercises while these kids show what to do. I’ve found that in Chinese school there’s an awful lot of using students for things. Students are used to clean the chalkboards, they have class leaders, they have people who clean the windows and sweep the floors, kids that yell out announcements, kids that lead the class in morning recitation, etc etc. Always using the kids to do things. They seem to like doing it. Not like the US at all. Maybe this has something to do with the… not sure what to call it… brown nosing part of their culture? There’s a lot of following the leader, doing what the boss says, and flattery that tends to happen here. People get in good with the boss using flattery instead of constructive criticism and having good ideas. Dunno. I’m not sure exactly where this fits into the puzzle, but I know it does:
This is a video I took this past week to show their exercise routine. When I first encountered in those other pictures they didn’t have any practice. Now they’ve gotten really good at it. Even some of the teachers get into to it and do it in the hallways. I’ll think about taking their picture because it’s also pretty ridiculous to watch. I mean they’re adults and they still do the synchronized exercise stuff. Of course people go to gyms and do stepping in the US which I also find to be ridiculous. Synchronized exercise it totally normal, it’s just that I think it’s strange to do it in the middle of school in your school clothes that you’ll be wearing the rest of the day. I just think synchronized exercise is lame I guess; it always makes me roll my eyes. I just don’t understand the desire to be with a group of people doing something embarrassing in public versus doing it in your own home where no one sees you. I guess I’m alone in that feeling.
I assume this student is in trouble for something, but I think that’s me judging from a distance. No one ever gets in trouble here (top school and all). I’m almost confused by the lack of rebellious teens. I can’t think of any other reason why he would be standing by himself, separated, and being talked to by a gym teacher however. He’s also in the “I’m in trouble and now you’re going to yell at me” stance that I’ve gotten before when I’ve had to discipline the kids. Same sort body language.
Here’s video of massive streams of kids going back to class. I know videos take longer to load and it’s slightly annoying, but there were just so many people doing the same motion that I tended to grab more video than photos. Just really neat looking:
Did I tell about how everything in China is at least 6-10 years behind on pop culture? They’re right up there with the rest of the world on Lady Gaga, but here’s an image of a bunch of kids singing a song called “In the End” by the most popular band ever: Linkin Park.
I only stayed for a couple of minutes. They’ve asked me before: “Mr. Owen! Do you like Linkin Park?” and I go: “Um.. Not really? No? No one has even talked about Linkin Park since I was in Junior High. That was 8 years ago… :-/”
Same happens with Michael Jackson. “Dennis! How much do you like Michael Jackson?”
“Some? I guess? I like some of his hit songs.”
“Oh, we thought you would like him more…”
“It’s not that I don’t like his music, it’s just that he hasn’t had a hit song in 20 years… :-/”
“Oh… :-(”
Makes me feel a little bad, but they’re just always way behind on this stuff. Not only that but they love the cheeeeeeesiest corny love ballads. They’re really really into love ballads. SO LAME.
Barf.
Speaking of singing, here’s something I came across one day. I think it must be the school song or something:
Even the workers next door stopped to watch:
Here’s some pictures I took of a dog with it’s owner while I was waiting for the bus. I liked him/her a lot because of it’s funny shaped head. It looks like a puppet. The head looks like someone’s fist and the rest of it is just a big hairy sleeve for the arm:
Lol everyone in China really does know kung fu:
Look at this perfect Chun Li high kick:
So one time I went and bought a Pepsi (bai shi ke le) and happened to spot this cute little guy on the ground:
Here’s some fingers and a foot for scale. Cuuuuuute:
So it’s been October this whole month. This was the month where I figured out that I, as a teacher, can spread things out for as loooooong as I want. No one has ever given me a curriculum to follow, no one has ever said “Owen don’t say that!” even though there have been more than a few times where I probably should not have said some things. Doesn’t really matter though. I could have the whole class sing AC/DC songs for 40 minutes and no one would stop me. *Power trip*
Anyway, I’m super free and can pretty much do what I want. Clearly I couldn’t let Halloween get away from me. Too many fun things happen on Halloween. So October is Halloween month. The first week in October was vacation. The second week was ghosts. Basically I sat up in front of class and scared them a bunch of times.
I had videos that scared them, I had pictures that scared them. It was really easy too cause the classes are majority girls. Really doesn’t take much to scare a typical high school girl. I have one class that only has 4 boys in it. That was the screechiest one.
I’ve gotten some requests to go over exactly what happens in any given lesson, so please excuse me as this turns into a wall of text for a little while.
The lesson would go pretty much like this:
“Hey guys!”
“HIIIIIIII!!!”
“What month is it?”
“October!”
“What happens in October?”
“National Day!”
“Y-yeah…. what happens in the west in October?”
*long pause*
Then one student might go: “Halloween?”
Then I would go: “Yes! So today we are talking about…
*spring up powerpoint so it says “Ghosts” while at the same time bringing a flashlight under my face*
“Ghosts!!!”
“Ohhhh!”
“Whoaa!”
“Ayaaah”
“oh no!! *hides behind notebook*”
Then I start telling them about various kinds ghosts: shadow people, apparitions, poltergeists, demons (Yes, I know they’re not technically a kind of ghost, I did explain the difference). Basically I’d talk about the various attributes of a spirit and then show them pictures and videos. This was actually really hard to set up cause I would only take videos or pictures that I really had no explanation for and most of the time it’s so clearly dust, smoke, or a piece of string. Super lame.
I would say that 90% of the time after setting them up with this picture…
… They would literally scream when they saw this one. I’m surprised no one came to my classes to see what the fuss was about:
Then I would tell them about the story of Bloody Mary (the one where you look in the mirror and say her name 3 times etc etc). They were absolutely silent the whole time. When I told them that if you said her name in the mirror three times she would appear with your future husband or wife they would get super happy and excited, but as soon as I said that if you looked at her she would tear out your eyes, rip off your skin, and suck you into the mirror they would get all scared and nervous. Then I’d go: “Who wants to try??”
“NOOOOOO”
“I thought none of you believed in ghosts!”
Then I’d pick on them:
“what about you?”
“No I don’t want to! It’s too scary!”
“But if you don’t believe in ghosts, what is there to lose?”
“Well… maybe… ”
A couple of them responded with:
“I don’t believe in ghosts, so trying it means that I do believe in ghosts.”
Smart kids.
Sometimes they’d go: “Is it real?”
and I’d go: “Maybe…”
and they would say: “Have you done it??”
“Yep.”
“What happened????”
“Well I’m still here. It was pretty scary though.”
“whoooaoaaaaaa…”
Notice how my answer only implies whatever it is they want it to imply.
After showing them all this stuff I usually had about 10-15 minutes of class leftover. So I would split the desks and have someone be A and someone be B. B would make up a ghost character and their story and then A would think of everything they would ever want to ask a ghost: “How did you die? What’s your name? Have you met Michael Jackson yet?” One of the perks to having 15 classes is I get to tell the same joke over and over again without repercussion.
They had some fun answers. Usually it was something like:
“How did you die?”
“I died in a car crash”
“Are you going to kill me?”
“YES!” *pretends to eat them*
The most graphic one was a girl who talked about how she was a four year old child that had to go to the bathroom. She left her house to go find the toilet. Then a strange man grabbed her by the arm and smashed her against pavement over and over again, breaking open her skull. Her blood slowly spilled into the toilet. Now her violent death haunts her forever and she is a ghost.
Another one said she was Ghost Super Mario. Then her partner said: “How do I get really wealthy?” and she said: “You just jump up and hit your head on the ceiling and you get money and bubbles and flowers!”
It was good, except I don’t quite understand the bubbles part. Did I miss a Mario somewhere?
After Ghost Week was my favorite week so far. Basically I would go:
“What did we talk about last week?”
“Ghosts!!”
“Yes! What happened to regular ghosts that didn’t happen to demons?”
“They died!”
“Yes! However, one other option when you die is to become… A ZOMBIE!!”
“WHOAAAAA”
On the second day I opened the same way and then a kid held his hands out in front of him and made a weird up and down motion I didn’t understand. I was like: “What- what are you doing with your arms?” and he goes: “Jumping!” and I’m like: “Zombies don’t jump…” Then they explained Chinese zombies to me. They’re called Jiang Shi. There’s more info on wikipedia: CLICK.
I had him demonstrate it to me in front of class. He stood up, held his hands directly out in front of him, and then hopped forward on his toes. This made me burst out laughing and the class erupt in applause.
During the same class I had a slide that was a trick slide. I would say: “How do you kill a zombie?” and they would go: “Burn it! Electrocute it! Shoot it!” and I’d go: “Ah ha! Shoot it where?” then they would go *bang* at their own head. “Yes! Destroy the brain! How else?” The answer is supposed to be nothing. That’s the only way to kill a zombie. They’d offer up ideas like cutting off its head, cutting off it’s arms, shooting it with a silver bullet, sunlight, a cross, garlic, and writing a curse in dog’s blood on a piece of paper and putting it on its forehead… what?
That’s how you stop a jiang shi apparently. Write something on a piece of paper and put it on it’s forehead. Jiang shi aren’t particularly scary, but if the only way to kill them is to get within arm’s reach I guess that ups the fear factor (with Joe Rogan) a little bit.
One girl came up with a completely new and novel idea on how to deal with a zombie: take out it’s teeth. Genius! I commended her on her brilliance.
After about 20 minutes explaining zombies and talking about 28 Days Later and George Romero, we moved on to the activity entitled “The 5 Survivors”
I had 5 students volunteer to come up to the front of the class and I gave them different roles. From left to right: Margaret Bao, Dr. Shuai (this actually translates to Dr. Cool), Mr. Bao, Officer Li, and Mr. Chan:
Then I became a Dungeon Master. Basically all these people had different motives for being at the school at the same time. Officer Li got back from shooting practice to talk about security at the school (only three bullets after practice). Mr. Chan was there to fix all the buses (A part at the factory was bad and all of them broke at the same time). Dr. Shuai was there to give a lecture on genetic testing. Mr. Bao was there because Margaret Bao got in trouble skipping class to be with her boyfriend Steve.
Then the entire population of the school turns into zombies at the cafeteria and they have to escape.
I would say: “You’re standing there, waiting for the principle, then you see him off in the distance and suddenly she *pointing at a student in the audience near me* leaps onto him and eats him!”
“Whoaa!!”
“What do you do??”
“Run!”
“Good idea!”
They would run to different places and have different solutions to problems in every class. One favorite was to run to the science classes, get acid, and throw it on the zombies. Another one I guided them to was: “You guys don’t have any weapons! You should get some!” “Where?” and then I would open up the window to show the construction site. “OHHhhhhh!!” My first class went there (without my prompting) because of all the smelly fumes put off by the new paint. The zombies wouldn’t be able to smell them there. They would grab pipes, wood, hammers, and one student grabbed a toilet.
Then I would throw in something like: “So you’re all in the bathroom and then… wait… who’s that? They look familiar… oh! Oh it’s STEVE!!” pointing to the boy next to me. “Margaret it’s your boyfriend Steve!! What do you say to him??” They’re usually laughing and hollering too much to think of anything. I try to get them to repeat after me:
“Steve!”
“Steve!”
“I love you!”
“I- hahhaha no!”
Then they would try to make it into a one-liner like: “It’s over Steve” *BANG* with the gun.
I always tried to pick them up with the helicopter out in the soccer field near the end of the simulation. A couple of times they were afraid to go to the helicopter because they thought it would be piloted by zombies. The amount of directions this concept could go makes me laugh
Anyway it wasn’t just me arbitrarily deciding whether their actions worked or not, many things were up to chance. I had some chance cards that said YES, NO, or BITE on them that students in the class would pick.
“So you try to shoot your last bullet through two zombies heads at the same time, and then run to the helicopter?”
“Yes!”
“Does it work?” *puts out cards to student in audience*
“yes.”
“YES IT WORKS!”
*whole class stands up and cheers*
I had one class that tried a similar stunt:
“So you try to shoot your last bullet through two zombies heads at the same time, and then run to the helicopter?”
“Yes!”
“Does it work?” *puts out cards to student in audience*
“no!”
“No it doesn’t work! Are you crazy? That only happens in movies!”
*whole class laughs*
They later made it by karate chopping through the zombie’s head.
I actually had the cards slightly stacked so they would be about 25% more likely to get a yes on any given question. Depending on what I wanted to have happen (if I needed to speed up or slow down the class) I would ask my question in different ways and hope they got a yes. Change “does it work?” to “does he miss?” and the whole class dies on the soccer field under a horde of zombies. I figured out I had to stack it a little bit cause I was having like half of my classes die before reaching the helicopter.
“So you put the bucket on your head, hoping the zombies won’t recognize you, and you run for the helicopter?”
“Yes.”
“Does it fail?” *puts out cards to student in audience*
“no”
“Really? It’s A MIRACLE! It works!”
*yaaay*
I had only one class that didn’t escape via helicopter. The people stood inside the bus and hit about 5 zombies with poles and stuff through the windows. Meanwhile the mechanic was underneath the bus fixing it. The police officer was dead by this point. They had one bullet left. They threw the fire extinguisher out the window. When it hit the ground the zombies walked over to it, distracted by the noise. Then they shot it with the gun, blowing up the fire extinguisher and throwing shrapnel into all the zombies brains. They then escaped by bus running over the remaining zombies that stood in their way.
It was a good week.
</endwalloftext>
I’m going to end it here tonight because it’s such a dense post. Sorry it takes so long for the updates, it just takes hours to do each one of these and lately I’ve had people actually asking me out to dinner (yessss!) and so on. I’ve actually had a social life!
So there you go. I’ll try and update again in a few days with chapters entitled: “A Night with a Mystery Man,” “How to be Judge,” and “Zaldor the Cockroach Takes the Kitchen.”
